i'm really very very sorry for putting you in the state of anxiety.
don't you forget that the former ego named sleepless bat have been dead already, and you must notice that Sanfer seldom speak Chinese with you here.
don't relax too soon, let me tell you why i must suffer the transform.
firstly the truth is bat didn't suicide, he was gerontic to death, it's natural death.after he left Beijing,he went through 30's,40's……quickily,which only he, himself known about.that's amazing experience which shared by some beings such as Marguerite.Duras.if you have read <the lover>,you must not forget the first sentence.
secondly, if the fact comes to that, i 'm too old to be with cotemporary youth, just like a big guy comes back to the kindergarten which don't mean i bear any malice to anyone, and the most delightsome thing is as if i was not only having another life, but also i was an infant with the knowledge from preexistence.
thirdly,after several years ,i must not be myself again, and if the process happend from quick to quicker.……
maybe you will comprehend the updated article in the grave according to my explain.but make sure not speaking out.
thank you again for playing the role of discourager.
i am not driven into anxiety by your words, and i don't think i am in a state of anxiety exactly, plz be assured of that.
discourager? i didn't mean to, but if the fact had been that, i don't know if i should be glad or not. take care, in the chilly winter, when you have no furs covering your body (for "sanfer" reminds me of "sans fur")
i know what you exactly mean.
you only break, it's death i must suffer.but no anxiety.
death? dismiss that idea, plz.
i used to ridicule at those who chose suicide, but now i came to understand them better and better. one of my friends once told me she tried to cut her wrist but was saved by her parents, which made me so astonished for i never perceived such change in her. and the other day when we were talking about suicide in the dorm, one of my roommates said that in his last junior high school year, he tried to jump off the building after leaving a farewell letter to his parents due to heavy academic burdens. finally the longing for life saved himself back from the window.
the suicide of Prof. Yu Hong from Renmin U. struck me vehemently, and made ponder on the question of suicide again. as he said, the choosing of suicide is sometimes a manifestation of courage. then i dreaded to further the thinking on for i would approach that lethal mentality. try to be less smart, and forget about those heavy suppositions of being is a good way to find the remedy.
be happy, always, no matter what stands in your way, just look to the sunny side, and the gloomy days will be over